i don't really know what i want to say here.
but i'm feeling down.
what makes me feel worse, is that i start feeling guilty about feeling down.
as if feeling down isn't bad enough already.
and once i'm here, it just spirals. i start thinking about our money woes...our small apartment...my desire to do so many things but not knowing where to begin...
is it just because i want? is that where this feeling comes from?
i want more money? i want a bigger place? i want to create...to write...to have a clean apartment...
maybe that's what it is. but how do i change that?
Oh how I struggle with this on a daily basis. it does spiral downward. It's so hard. Usually it's my daughter who brings me back. She finds joy in every little thing. Things that I maybe wouldn't take notice of. Then I think, Why do I want these things? And I say that it's for my children, when quite obviously all they need to be happy is to know that they are loved and for me to spend time with them. So it's just me being a complainer. I try to see the world through her eyes... it helps.
ReplyDeleteI am so blessed. And I'm learning to be thankful, really and truly thankful.
thanks, jenny :) soon after that post, my little leo walked out of the bedroom from his nap, and just lifted my spirits. you're so right...he wants nothing more than me to love him. so why should i need any more than that? i'm trying, too, to be more thankful for what i do have...which is plentiful...
ReplyDeleteDeep in the dark I don't need the light
ReplyDeleteThere's a ghost inside me
It all belongs to the other side
We live, we love, we lie
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