Wednesday, July 1, 2009

some good company

when leo was born, i was floored. i was lucky to be one of those moms who was instantly in love with her child. it's not like it just hit me when he arrived...it started well before i even knew i was pregnant. and as i watched my belly grow, the attachment i had for the little person growing in there also grew stronger. when he arrived, all of that exploded, and grew exponentially. and it continues to. sometimes i feel so full...swollen...with emotions for him. not just love...but pride, wonder, excitement, anticipation. people always talk about the glow of pregnancy...i think there's a glow to motherhood, too.

with all of those emotions, also comes fear. fear of doing things wrong, fear of not knowing what i'm doing at all...i go through days of complete confidence in what i'm doing, and then days that i question so many of those same actions.

and then along with the fear...comes life. the everyday. the stuff that doesn't happen like the books say it will (sleep. sleep. sleep.) looking for safe toys, finding a sippy cup that will last for a long time, finding free things to do around here.

and that's where this blog comes in. and maybe where the companionship comes in. i'm writing because this is my journey. and there are others journeying, as well. i don't need to know all the answers and i might get lost along the way...and i just need company while i walk.

i just need company as i wander.

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