the mom i want to be

We thought we had it all figured out. I’d stay home for the first couple of months after Leo was born. Then my husband, Brian, would take over for the next few months while I went back to work. Then…daycare. And we’d both be back at work.

But we just couldn’t do it. How could I drop him off with someone else? Let someone else take care of him? I wanted to be okay with it, but each time I thought about leaving him, I cringed. My friends do it…and their kids are fine. So why can’t I?

It just doesn’t feel right.

I want to be the one that goes to him when he wakes up from his nap, the one who sees the funny face he makes when he tries a new food, the one who helps him when he gets stuck standing up, and can’t figure out how to sit back down.

And so, here we are, 9 1/2 months after he was born…and I’m home with Leo…watching him giggle over and over again because I’m tapping his foot while he eats.

Now, THIS feels right.

Regardless of how hard it might be for us to make this work, THIS is what we’re supposed to do. Now I can be the mom I want to be.