Thursday, October 28, 2010

still...

sometimes, when we make it out nice and early...

and we get to the park before the sand has even been touched by any other little feet...

and the swings are still...

and it's just the two of us.  and it's so quiet.  and the sun hits in the most gentle ways.

and it's just me and my guy.

it's just...

perfect.


Wednesday, October 20, 2010

being comfortable with uncomfortable...

so... here's another one.  back to back.

i think i opened the flood gates on these posts...


The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.
- M. Scott Peck

it seems that we're often helping to make the tears stop... helping to solve the problems... helping to quiet the arguments...

in a life with children, it just comes with the territory.

when leo's uncomfortable with a situation, it can in turn make me uncomfortable.  seeing him cry, seeing him struggle, seeing him in a conflict...

but that discomfort is teaching him.  it's helping him form ideas and solutions.  they're just as useful as the times he's joyfully building with blocks... or contently driving his cars along the floor.

being comfortable with his discomfort gives us both a chance to figure out what to do about it.  or if we have to do anything at all.  without struggle, without tears, without conflict... he has no way to learn from it.  this isn't to say that i sit back and watch as he's in an impossible situation.   i can give him the time he needs to figure it out on his own, or with my help.  i can assure him that his feelings won't be quelled.  i can acknowledge what's happening, what he's feeling, and be supportive while he's there.

and that means i have to be comfortable while we're both uncomfortable.

Friday, October 15, 2010

figuring things out...

i feel the need to write about parenting.  i often want to share my thoughts, but even more often, feel unqualified... or that it's not my place.  but i'm going to take the plunge.

part of my desire for wanting to write is because i have a need to explain my own actions.  and that's something that i'm dealing with.  right now, though, that's where i am, so explaining my own actions is what i'm going to do.

another part of my desire is that i want to share what i've learned.  what i've learned as a teacher and what i've learned as a parent.  so much of what i've learned is from being in the classroom... and then SO MUCH MORE of what i've learned is from being a parent.  and it has, in fact, changed what i learned in the classroom.

so, from here on out, i'd like to post about parenting every so often.  and not so much about "parenting"... but about being a mom... and the ways that i experience life with leo.  because we're doing this together.

that said...

first topic:

let's not figure it out...


as parents, we're so inclined to fix things.  that's what we're supposed to do, right?  if leo's hurt, i want to make it better.  if he's uncomfortable, i want to comfort him.  if he's sad, i want to make him happy.

that's natural.  but sometimes, fixing things only takes care of the present issue.  and nothing further.

take, for example, a sharing incident.  someone wants a toy that leo has.  and leo doesn't want to share it.  i can step in, and "help", by telling leo he should share his toys, by finding another toy for the other child to play with, by counting until it's "time to share", etc.   and then the "sharing" happens, essentially.

now, the belief may be that here, leo and the other child learned either to share the toys or that another toy will be provided.

but what else have they learned?  that when he doesn't want to share, he will be forced to.  or his feelings or words don't matter... even if he's sad about this, he has to share what he's playing with.  or that one's child desire to play with a toy is more important than leo's desire to play with it.  or well, he doesn't really need to share, because someone's going to bring another toy around eventually. 

what i like to do is just wait it out.   this might be hard.  really hard.  as long as no one's getting hurt... just wait it out.  it's amazing what kids can figure out themselves.  without us "teaching" them.

today, i heard myself counting to leo when he didn't want to share something that another little girl wanted.  and while i was counting, that little girl was completely content to not have the toy.  she had moved on.  meanwhile, leo was having a meltdown because i was "teaching" him how to share.

moments later, leo wanted something another child had.  and we waited.  he got a little upset.  the other child held her ground.  she saw that he got upset.  he asked again.  she took her time.  and then they traded toys.  they figured it out.  without my help.

it's not lazy parenting.  it's not not parenting.  in fact, sometimes i feel that it's harder not to intervene than it is to intervene.  especially, for me, because i worry too much about what the other parents might think while my child (or theirs!) is getting upset and i'm not doing anything about it.  when, in reality, i AM doing something.  i'm giving my child the opportunity to use his words... to listen to others' words... to express his emotions... to formulate solutions on his own and with the help of his peers...

without me figuring it all out for him.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

two minutes...

my little guy turned two last month.  

TWO.

and when we'd ask him how old he was, he'd say "two minutes."

and that sounds just about right to me.

here he is... at one month old...


and each month (minus a couple here and there)...


and then, just two minutes later...



Wednesday, October 13, 2010

so is life...

we moved.

my computer got wacky.  it was completely full.

completely.

full.

so, i took a little break.

and i've simmered over a bunch of ideas.  i've gotten inspired.  looked at some wonderful websites.  searched for a new couch.  and rugs.  and paint colors.  and still that darn couch.

and now it's time to get back into action.

in the meantime... this is what we've been up to...

 tearing up some carpet to reveal some much needed work...

 making those floors shine! 

 listening to some wonderful music by elizabeth mitchell...

 spending some time in the sprinkler...

 getting a head start on halloween...

 eating some ice cream cake with family back east...

 playing with a pile of manly cars...

 oh, so many cars...

 walking a street fair in nyc...

 that had so many neat things to look at...

 getting dressed up for a wedding...

 starting a compost bin...

 buying some marbles...

 chillin' with the homies...

 visiting the lacma...

 getting over our fear of the water...

 being adorable...

and getting down right dirty.